...until you've read this

Ok, so what’s all this about fat bikers?

Christmas 2008 I hit the heights/weights of 19 ½ stones. No wonder my knees and my back hurt. I’d given up smoking and taken up eating. Not that I wasn’t a confirmed “eater of things” before, but suddenly it was almost a religious experience, only at least 3 times a day rather than just once a week on a Sunday when I was feeling virtuous. I could now delve into the world of dietary advice, yo-yo weight experiences, the dreadful pangs of hunger, the fear of never eating anything worthwhile again, but I’d not be doing myself or you any justice at all. Quite apart from losing the extra poundage being a good idea and one that had become increasingly necessary there are subsequent benefits that I hadn’t even considered.

Have you ever heard your mates talking about how they shaved 200g off the weight of their R1 by changing the bolts on the fairing or fitting a different exhaust or a new seat cowl and then joined them for a fry up; a full grill at the The Lard And Goose Fat in Bulksville; quarter pounders and chips all round and couple of cans of coke just to keep the eyes open when the fat-eye-droop comes in around 3pm? Lose 200g from the bike and put on an extra ½ lb! I had never really considered the effect that would have on my riding. It was always a simple equation for me, if I could get on the bike and feel adequately comfortable for the kind of riding I wanted to do, that was all that was important.  I’d heard all about moving around on a bike to get the best out of it and yourself, long days in the saddle touring, 200 miles to a tank of petrol... and I’d just put it down to being over 6 feet tall as an excuse not to have to worry too much about that.

I’d only ever really looked at bikes that fit my height, then decided if the engine would be big enough to lug the bits between my feet and my head around. The moment I could get onto a 600 having passed my test, I did. The little Piaggio b125 scooter I’d had was just way too small, despite being the biggest model of 125 I could afford. I’d always used the excuse that I would be riding with a pillion a lot of the time and doing a lot of touring - 10 days every 12 months between Normandy and The Loire does not a full-time tour addict make. And because I was just one of those “big” blokes, I’d got used to it all.  But being tall doesn’t make you any less lardy or less prone to back pain, joint aches, wheezing, breathlessness etc.

Having read this far, I thank you and will now get onto the important bit – this is not a rant about being overweight, but rather a public realisation of  something I’d been missing out on. I’d just decided I was always going to be a big guy and would ride the commensurate bikes (although restricting myself to cruisers was going to be difficult, there are just too many bikes to try!) Then, to support my wife, which seemed like the sane, helpful and less painful thing to do at the time, I joined her on Weight Watchers. What an astonishingly girly thing for a hefty biker type to do. And I was going to have to pay for it, too!

So, I go for my weigh in and am left speechless. It’s all very well having friends say that you’re a bit big and knowing that you’re somewhat overweight, but when someone puts a figure on it and that figure is about 3 stones more than you thought – and you already thought you were overweight - it’s an eye-opener. No wonder I couldn’t swing my leg over the bike as easily any more, or that I had to heave myself around when trying out a speedy corner, or, indeed, that I was going through tyres and brake pads a little quicker and wasn’t getting out on the bike as much at the weekend for a bit of a blatt as I had.

After the first month, I’d lost half a stone. 2nd month in and I was celebrating the first full 14lb loss. That’s the equivalent of a breeze block. This isn’t a big pat on the back to myself for having lost the weight, this is a nudge of disapproval that I’d put it on. And how would you feel if someone came along and strapped a couple of unnecessary breeze blocks on you just when you fancied going for a Sunday scratch! After 3 stone, the equivalent to 3 breeze blocks, here’s what I’m noticing about being on the bike:

I’m not as tired on the bike anymore after a good ride.
I want to get out on the bike more at any time, not just at weekends.
Even my commute is more fun. The bike itself may not be any slimmer, but I feel more confident filtering through smaller gaps – I know, it’s all purely psychological but the effect is real.
My tyres last longer.
And this is the one that gets me. I’m spending less on fuel and going further every tank.

3 years ago when I bought my Sprint ST 955i, I thought the dealer was joking when he said he was getting nearly 200 miles to a tank. And after riding it for a month or so, I was convinced he was making it up – I couldn’t get more than 150 miles to a tank however or wherever I rode. As I and the bike got older, my fuel consumption got worse, in fact, all the way down to 130 miles to a tank and I genuinely put it down to an ageing engine and not me. Well, the bike’s 3 years older, I’ve lost 3 stone and I’m getting 160 miles to a full tank commuting in town and nearly 190 when touring (180 with a pillion). Quite apart from anything else, I’m saving at least the price of my subscription to weight watchers in petrol every month – approximately a full tank. And that’s going to get better as well. The more weight I lose, the less effort the engine is forced to put into lugging me about and the less fuel is used as a result. It just makes sense.

And what about kit? One thing I’ve always noticed is that as a big bloke you’re seriously restricted in what you can buy. Admittedly, since we are as a population getting larger, the choice is better than it used to be, but there are still a lot more types of gear available for a 34” waist than for a 44” waist. And if you’re going to have something specially made, you can bet you’ll pay extra for more material – that’s just pure economics.
So, in fact, as a biker, being a little less lardy is the financially sensible option. Or incredibly dangerous for your plastic because there’s so much more to spend money on.

Feeling fitter, more concentrated and stronger as a result of losing the flab, I’m exploring more opportunities on the bike like doing the odd track day. And there are lots more things I’m looking forward to trying; off-roading, longer touring to more extreme places, more track days, doing an advanced riding course, the list just goes on.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not having a go at overweight people, but my experience of riding the rising tide of flab has not been a good one. The fact that losing the weight has benefited my experience of biking is something I do want to shout about. I still have a way to go yet before I hit my “goal weight”, but it’s not something I find daunting anymore. It’s more an achievable challenge. I was very aware that I was pushing a few more fish suppers and kebabs around than I should, and it was holding me back from expanding my biking horizons. And I do love being on a bike.

Big bikers may well bounce better, but having been one and periodically bounced – which apparently still hurts just as much for fatties as for thinnies - I am now having much more fun on bikes than I used to and it’s down to weight loss. At least that’s my experience. If nothing else, biking is cheaper. Although now that I’m more mobile on the bike and trying things out in a different way, I’m still going through brake pads and my tyres need a bit of a look at. That probably says more about my riding style than my weight, so I’d better book that advanced riding course as soon as possible. Happy biking my two-wheeled chums. Maybe see you out there at the burger bar. It'll be me having the salad...and perhaps just a small bacon buttie.

(Editors note. If you’re a wee bit fond of a late night fried snack with chocolate dripping and always choose the healthy option with a great dollop of cream, but still want to lose weight, then you’d do worse than contact your local Weight Watchers group. As a man it’s way less embarrassing than it used to be. Me, I'm lucky in that I'm blessed with the metabolism of a racing greyhound, but you may not be so fortunate. I know I had far more fun taking the mickey out of Mars because of his inability to get into sensible kit, move around on the bike or chase me for more than ten yards or so if I pushed it too far than I've had because his leathers are too loose. Bottom line is this. Seriously. A set of Titanium bolts for a sportsbike will set you back a couple of hundred pounds for cheap ones. And they'll save you around one pound in weight. That's just two Whoppers with fries. You can genuinely shed more weight by going to the toilet then by buying most lightweight stuff.

Lightweight stuff looks trick and there's nothing wrong with that per se. Just be honest with yourself about why you're getting it...)

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